I don’t believe that there is a simple answer or fix for the journey of loss or grief and although my personal journey is through death by suicide there are countless ways anyone may encounter their personal journey.
There are quotes / sayings, that go something like this, “grief is the price we pay for love” and/or “grief is love with nowhere to go”… I don’t believe this. I think Grief is a reflection of LOVE. We need to take this love, harness it, and direct it with meaning. As I am writing this in October 2026, it has been just over 1.5 years since losing William. It’s still fresh. It’s still raw. My therapy, the books I’ve read, my support group, listening to all there is (Anderson Cooper’s podcast) and such have helped me realize this. Helped me develop this thought, this website and that I wanted to help others as I have been helped and continue to be helped. Our scars, losses, and grief, as well as our joy, and happy times make us WHO we are.
A book that is truly important to me is David Kessler’s; Finding Meaning | The SIXTH STAGE of GRIEF
In his introduction, he lists these 7 thoughts:
1. Meaning is relative and personal.
2. Meaning takes time. You may not find it until months or even years after loss.
3. Meaning doesn't require understanding. It's not necessary to understand why someone died in order to find meaning.
4. Even when you do find meaning, you won't feel it was worth the cost of what you lost.
5. Your loss is not a test, a lesson something to handle, a gift, or a blessing. Loss is simply what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen.
6. Only you can find your own meaning.
7. Meaningful connections will heal painful memories.
Kessler, D. (2019). Finding meaning: The sixth stage of grief. Scribner.
I feel I found my ‘meaning’.
I feel helping others through The Grief Love Project / Grief is a reflection of LOVE is my meaning.
After a week, a month, a year, others will move on with their lives. But for people like us… every minute, hour, day, week, month, year contains loss. Grief. But it can also contain endless LOVE.
It’s okay for others to move on.
It’s okay for others NOT to understand your journey.
It’s okay to have bad days.
It’s okay to want to stay in bed.
Things I’ve learned:
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline.
People don’t know what to say.
People don’t know what not to say.
People don’t always know how to show up.
Finding calm in something repetitive/something familiar. I found (and sometimes still find) that I am NOT up for something NEW. A new restaurant, trying something new, going someplace new, hanging with new people ~ nothing like that. I’ve read and listened in several places that sometimes having something familiar and/or repetitive can be calming and it has working for me. Going to the same restaurant. Having the same meal. Streaming a familiar show (especially this one) - not having to be surprised by something or anticipating what will happen next is calming. I have probably re-streamed 3 or 4 series that I have enjoyed in the past because I enjoy the characters or story lines. I can find comfort in them. I can just ‘be’ and let the show play. It’s low stakes. It takes my mind off things and I can decompress.
HOLIDAYS
NOVEMBER
As I write this, November 2026, we are in the season gratitude. I know. I feel the same way.
It’s time were people are thankful and they are counting their blessings.
Some of you may count time like I do now, BEFORE losing your loved one | AFTER losing your loved one.
Before losing William Thanksgiving meals with extended family were already difficult. Both my children were struggling. Between both of them there was mental illness, drug use, drinking and gambling addiction. That’s a lot for everyone in our family of four to be dealing with.
A tradition before eating the ‘feast’ is to go around the table to say what each person is thankful for and this was a very hard part of the day for me. While I was very happy for my in-laws, nieces, nephews, guests for their amazing years and the items they were thankful for it was just difficult to be fully present in that part of the day.
AFTER losing William - flight or fight was the only thing on my mind. For my first Thanksgiving, I chose flight. I didn’t want to celebrate. I didn’t want to be around anything familiar. I didn’t even want to be in Massachusetts. I booked a flight to Arizona and visited my cousin and her family. Low pressure. Low stakes. No expectations.
DECEMBER
From gratitude we roll in the merriest time of the year, again, yup, right there with you.
31-ish days of parties, songs, festivities, joy, laughter and everything that comes with it.
Pretty much you feel like staying in bed every day with your blankets over your head saying “tell me when it’s over”. The Grinch and Scrooge probably seemed like the happiest and joyful people on the planet compared to me. I did not want to decorate. I declined every invitation to attend any soirée. I am usually someone that can’t wait to start playing and singing along to holiday music - it was very sparse. Rosie O’Donnell released a Christmas album and on it was a song called “Santa on the Rooftop” which she sang with Trisha Yearwood. This song was a HUGE favorite for our family. When we played it in the car, I swear people in the next town could hear the four of us singing our hearts out to it. I never made it through the full song the first year. It hurt too much. The tears were to heavy.
JANUARY
New Year. Resolutions. Yada yada.
So… what have I personally learned? The holidays suck. The holidays are HARD.
You can make plans. But at the last minute if you aren’t feeling it… its OKAY to change your mind.
If someone gives you hassle about it… that is on THEM. Don’t be pressured. You’ll know when you are ready to take the next step. If you take a step you THOUGHT you could do and change your mind during it, it’s okay to leave. Pat yourself on the back and tell yourself - you tried! I remember one night thinking I really wanted to go out to dinner, just me, alone. A favorite restaurant of mine. Drove to the restaurant. Opened my car door. Shut my car door. Cried. Drove back home. I still took it as a win. I left the house. I made it to the restaurant. I tried. I did my best that night. That is most we can ask of ourselves.
BEYOND the holidays… BIRTHDAYS. ANNIVERSARIES. Other SPECIAL OCCASIONS. Favorite Vacation Spot.
They will all hit. They will hit hard.
It might be year one. year two. year five.
It is surprising WHAT will open a scar. a wound. a memory.
We do, though, have the power of how we react to it. However difficult. It takes practice. It takes time. We may never master it, but we can try to handle it with grace. I have a favorite picture of William. When I feel I don’t have the control I want to have, I focus on that particular picture and how happy it makes me, I take deep breaths while I rub the bracelet with his name on it, and I ask William to help me in that moment.
Types of loss and grief
Losing a child
Losing a parent
Losing a partner
Losing a friend
Grief after mental illness
Anticipatory grief
Complicated grief
Divorce
Relationships ending
Estrangement
Loss of a career
Loss of identity
A child leaving home
Retirement
A serious diagnosis
Loss of physical ability
Moving away
Losing a friendship
A dream that didn't happen
The person you thought you would become